Wish I Could Let Go
by Hn.Fool
Summary: There's nothing left for me to do but end my journey." Hiei. It's called FANfiction for a reason...I do not own YuYu Hakusho.
1. Prologue

_**.Wish I Could Let Go.**_

Oh the pain I feel alone out here.

I am not allowed to shead a tear.

Pain altogether seeps through my skin

I am lost within.

Why must you hate me with blinding rage

Why did you throw me out from your icy cage.

I am not a beast....Though you appear to think differently.

I am just a child....why did you do this to me.

I have ones who care for me now.....but I am unable to do the same.

They sit not far from me.....but I'd have to run an eternity to get to them.

None can see the pain inside of me

None know how much I long to let go.

How much I want to be next to them....how much I wan't to believe that my worthlessness is a lie

But how could I when you left me to die.

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People....this is chapter one....this is not a poetry series.....it's the opposite of my sweet snow story. This may be too dark for anyone to read.....but read and review anyways......If you want me to continue. 


	2. Everyone

**BOLD **and_ Italic _Inner thoughts

(....) Author

"...." Speech

**_Chapter 2: Everyone's Watching.....None Can See_**

Hiei's POV

_**They are all laughing. I love laughter...as ironic as that sounds. Look at them....beautiful image. My sister...Yukina...smiling. I don't hate the baka Kuwabara as much anymore....he can make her smile. I might be jealous of him....wish I could do that for her....but how could I.....I caused all the pain she's in. If I was never born....you would still have a mother Yuki....if only I had never been born. I am the reason you suffered. Keiko and the detective are at it again....she aims, she shoots, SMACK....right in the head....must be a routine, I think **__**if she didn't do that Yusuke's brain would shut down. This is what happens at the end of every mission....we sit together. Well....actually....I sit apart. Botan, the baka fiery onna, is talking to the fox....Kurama looks in need of help....maybe not....he's ignoring her and reading a book...go figure. I wonder if they'll even notice if I left.....Hn, probably not....I'm leaving.**_

"Hiei?".....**_the baka diety of death speaks....oh speak not baka onna_**. (Parody from Romeo and Julliet...."She speaks. Oh speak again fair maiden.")

"Hn."

"Where are you going?"....**_I guess Kurama lost interest in the book....maybe he's just glad Botan isn't on his case anymore_**.

"What's it to you fox?"

"Don't leave Hiei....it wouldn't be a party without you putting Kuwabara down....and insulting us." **_Ahh yes....Cheerful happy 'I've come back from the dead' Yusuke_**.

"Hn."

"Let shorty leave....he doesn't care about us. Bet he's glad the mission's over so he won't have to see us for a while." _**Wrong!**__**And he wonders why I call him 'Fool.' **_

"Mr. you please stay."_** How could I not. Am I not in debt to you? I'll stay....even if it kills me.....all to pay you back for the pain I've caused.** _

"Hn."

"I'm glad you decided to stay, Hiei."**_ Yusuke says with a grin....he knows why I stayed. He genuinly cares I guess....but I don't deserve it._**

**_More laughter. I assume they just like tormenting me. Hn. They seem happy when I'm here...but don't acknowledge me....twisted irony....they assume I want it this way. They assume I want to sit here on the windowsill and stare outside....they assume I'm happier this way.....alone. If only they knew....if only they saw....but they don't. Kurama's heading in my direction....no doubt to ask what's wrong.....baka kitsune._**

"Hiei....are you okay?"**_ Winner of the grand prize of telepathy....Hiei!_**

"Hn."

"You seem too much like yourself." **_Wow, how observant of you. _**"Hiei....are you ever going to trust us, to join us, to feel home here?"**_ Trust you....I thought the fox was the smartest in the bunch. What a moron....I trust them....I'm the one who's not to be trusted....at least that's what they said. And how could I feel at home....If I don't know what one feels like!!!_**

"Don't you have a plant to feed?"**_ I can see a look in his eyes I don't like....he looks concerned....I hate when Kurama does this. He's like the adult taking care of the child....I'll be damned if I was going to be treated like a child.....would be interesting though.....I've always been treated like the damned child, the forbidden child....I gave him a_** "Hn."**_....naturally. Maybe he'll leave me alone....I don't want to be your weak child fox....even if I needed the moment of weakness with all my heart.....I will never be the weak child. Forbidden, yes.....weak, Never!_**

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_Hope you enjoyed it. Next Chapter is Kurama's POV. This will get quite amusing in a couple of chapters and get very messy....trust me....I WROTE IT! Review. Thanks to those who did._


	3. Blurry Vision

**_Chapter 3: Blurry Vision_**

Kurama's POV

**_He has been my best friend for a while now.....but I haven't even scrached the surface on him. He's so closed off to everyone....even to me....the only person he seemingly trusts. In my suspicions, Hiei's life has been a horrible one. One full of hate and anger and pain.....he's got an innocent spirit....but alas....a shattered one as well. Everytime the group gets together after these missions....he sits alone. He usually leaves but today he was convinced to stay. He usually leaps out of the window leaving us in the wake of his departure....speculating why he left....some wondering if he was even really there to begin with. He's never with us....always consumed in a never-ending dooms day prophecy....or so it seems. It's as if he's given up on trying to live....and is just waiting to die....though far too brave or cowardly to take his own life. Part of me suspects neither....maybe he feels he's undeserving of death...of peace....of happiness. What kind of a friend am I if I can't bring a feeling of peace to him. He's here surrounded by us....his friends....but sits there as though he's bound by a restraining order to keep ten feet away from us at all times......Damn it...I keep hearing this annoying high pitched voice....I'm losing my train of thought...._**/Shudders/

"Kurama! Kurama!....EARTH TO SPIRIT FOX!!!!!" **_Oh...yeah.....Botan. She's been talking to me for a while now while I pretend to read and contemplate a plan to speak to Hiei._**

"Uh...sorry Botan."

"Did you hear a thing I just said?!"

"Something about cheap hair dye?"**_....Oh SHIT!....._**"Something about the cheerful night sky?"

"Bingo!"**_.....I can't believe she was actually talking about that....thank you demon hearing skills!.....Now...about Hiei._**

"If you'll excuse me Botan....I need to talk to Hiei."

"Sure!" **_....No wonder he calls her 'Baka Onna'.....she's so stupid!_**

_**What to say.....what to say....what to say....I better think of something quickly I'm closing the space fast......Okay, I'm drawing a blank....I'll wing it.....but Hiei is no Botan. **_

**_Here goes stupid..._** "Hiei....are you okay?" **_.....Wow! Look at me and my genius ass!_**

"Hn." **_....Of course, after a brilliant intro like that!_**

"You seem too much like yourself." **_....WHY MUST MY BRAIN SHUT DOWN!....NOW OF ALL TIMES! _**"Hiei....are you ever going to trust us, to join us, to feel home here?" **_Good....but too direct....I am an idiot._**

"Don't you have a plant to feed?" **_He looked at me for a split second and suddenly it was all clear to me....he hated pity, and he felt it...I have to say something smart.....something! "Hn."....that was the rest of it....and with that he meant he didn't want to talk.....so I didn't press further._**

"I'm glad you stayed Hiei." **_He looked up again....I got his attention....maybe I should stop thinking so hard....Hiei doesn't fall for the reverse psychology crap._**

"Why?" **_....why??? _**

"What do you mean why Hiei?!" **_He looks so much like a child now. When I first walked over he was on the windowsill leaning back....but now....now he's regressing into a ball of tightening muscles....holding his knees to him by his arms and resting his head on top of them....he blinked in Yukina's direction before staring outside yet again. We had figured out Hiei was younger than us all quite some time ago.....but he had suffered so much in his life that it made him seem more mature._**

"Why are you glad I stayed?...It's irrelevent." **_....Hiei? It doesn't sound like him. _**"It's alright fox....you don't have to be here with me....go back to them....you are not responsible for my well being."

**_Once again....brainfreeze! Did he just....no. That was the longest sentence Hiei has said in a while. It's hard to understand exactly what he meant by it....it was so docile_** ('Gentle'.) **_....so detatched....so calm....too calm....something is terribly wrong! What does he mean by it! Does he honestly think that!! What do I say!!!! All I could come up with was_** "You were never a pity case Hiei....we all care because we _want_ to."

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Wanna know Hiei's thoughts on this...review please. _

_To all my reviewers..._

_ShatteredSoul56, HelBourne, demonhieigirl, Suma goddess of darkness, Yodai hiro, and NeomatrixV2....thank you!!!_


	4. Preview of Pain To Come

_**Chapter 4:Preview of Pain To Come**_

_**After that amusing conversation with the fox I was left wondering. The pain had been too damn overwhelming for me to take. I was alone again. He said they cared because they wanted to.....I don't understand. No one can care for the Forbidden Child....NO ONE!!! Why would they? Kurama had been the only friend I could truely talk to, but now....I felt like I couldn't stand it. He was throwing this new information to me....and it was hard to comprehend. Why would they all care? Are they stupid?! I only bring pain to those around me....Hn. Stupid ningen emotions! **_

_**In any way...they had to leave after a couple of hour....granted all were still staying here....but at least they would sleep and let me think. They're making too much noise....and all are mostly drunk....I tried the stuff....it tasted okay....but it had no after effect on me. They however, look like bakas. And now it's raining....wait....raining? Oh Hell no! **_

"Well, I'm turning in." **_The detective.....he says goodnight to everyone gives me a stupid look and smiles....._**/Sigh/**_.....he's even cheerful DRUNK!!!..._**/GLARE!/

"Me too, goodnight everyone."**_ Wow! Who would've guessed that Keiko would follow Yusuke?! _**/Rolls eyes/

"Urameshi! You coward!" **_Says the baka slurring....I'm eyeing him like a hawk...he's very near Yukina. She's coming over here now.....Hn...this should be fun. _**

"Mr. Hiei?"**_ She addresses me with too much respect...she should spit in my face. I gave her a look to know I'm listening._**

"Could you help me carry Kazuma to his room....I can't do it myself....sorry for bugging you."**_ I don't say a word as I help her....the baka has already passed out. She's sleeping in Keiko's room....the baka's with the detective. Shizuru and the baka onna Botan are in a room as are Kurama and I. Well...the rooms actually have four in them but the guys and the girls are separated....by a thin wall....I wonder if anyone will notice if I kill KuwaBAKA! I don't trust him THAT near my sister!!!! _**

"Mr.Hiei?" **_Ahh!!! Stop calling me that!!!!_**

"Please don't address me that way."

"But why?"

"Someone like you should not respect someone like me."

"But I hold you in the highest of respect Mr.Hiei....you saved my life on numerous occasions." **_Granted I was the cause of your endangerment to begin with._**

"If you respect my wishes....please drop the title."

"As you wish M-...Hiei." **_I cringed. It felt too good for me to be called with such care....I didn't deserve it. I dropped the baka in his room and walked Yukina to her room._**

"Good night Hiei."

"Hn. Sleep well."

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To my readers....yes....I know this chapter is slightly boring....but....here's the twist **HIEI **__IS _**Drunk!!!**_ You'll see what I mean. The next chapter is so weird! Review please....if you have any ideas tell me._


	5. In the Absence of Nonchalantness

_**Chapter 5: In the Absence of Nonchalantness**_

Hiei's POV

_**Plip...Plip....It starts of soft then goes into a maddened frenzy striking everything in its path. So soft and yet so painful. I love the rain...but I hate it just as much. As I continue watching it I get consumed in thought. The world was crying the day I was born....not of sympathy....no....out of hatred. It hated the fact that something so impure had entered it and had to shower itself from disgust....in me. It rained....for days trying to cleanse the impurity which now tainted it....but to no avail. It would be pure....had I never been alive. It's now raining in sheets. I wonder if it is still attempting to wipe the nasty smudge off....I'll go to it. **(Hiei goes outside and stands in the rain) **You don't hate me do you?....You feel good to me....though I'm drenched**....(Takes water in hands and drinks it)....**you taste better than the ningen stuff....I should know...I drank three whole bottles....I heard the detective's mother say that it takes away pain....but it was magnified....that's what I deserve for trusting a ningen. Magnified pain....Hn. How can you magnify something that already takes up the entire space without breaking...I'm breaking. All these memories rushed to me like the rain rushes to the earth....like I was falling with the force of the strongest gravity to my doom again! Stop it....stop it...I want to stop....but I didn't...I crashed....crashed and broke my tiny bones....and my worthless scab to the world soul! "I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE YOU HIEI!!!! I HATE YOU!!! YOU STUPID WORTHLESS SHIT!!!" Magnified...all of it all the deceit...all the hatred....all the pain "AAH!!!!!" I wish I could take my own life...but it would only lead to a bigger Hell I must indure for all eternity. And suddenly impurity mended with the cleansing liquid...for the first time in my life...I found a reason to cry....but I only shed a single tear...I didn't want to taint the world anymore with my unworthy emotions! "WHY DID YOU LET ME LIVE!!!!".....**_

(Ok....Switching point of view because Hiei is too drunk to continue....He doesn't realize what he's doing)

Shizuru's POV

_**I heard him leave...my spirit awareness was going off and kept me from sleeping. Me and Botan shared the room with Hiei and Kurama...only separated by a thin wall that did not block the spirit waves of the little fire demon. He was in pain no doubt about it....I felt his little heart break. Then after a few moments of ease....he started to scream bloody murder. I didn't understand what he was saying...no one could hear it.....But I sensed it. Not knowing what to do I walked through the separating wall only to find 3 empty bottles and Kurama asleep. I came to think that Hiei was drunk....what else would cause this hightened emotional wave. One thing to do...wake Kurama...I don't know how to deal with Hiei alone.**_

"Kurama, Kurama." **_I said shaking him gently....to my surprise he awoke easily. _**

"Shizuru...why are you waking me up at 3 AM! Is something wrong?"

"Hiei's outside screaming....you tell me."

"Huh...what?"**_ I could tell he was in shock....or it couldv'e been that he didn't understand since he just woke up._**

Kurama's POV

_**I was awakened by Shizuru....surprised...I didn't know I would even be able to get up after three hours of sleep. She said something about Hiei being outside and screaming....my mind could not register this information. Hiei...outside...in the rain....and screaming.....these words did not belong to the same sentence. I got up nontheless and started outside. I noticed the empty bottles of liquor...my mind worked now. Hiei,DRUNK, outside, in the rain, and screaming.....those belonged in a sentence. In any case nothing prepared me for what I saw next.**_

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Ooh. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Cliff Hanger! I am so cruel. You should like the next chapter....if you're evil and emotionally inept. Review or it will be another cliffhanger!! Muahahahaha! Tell me if you like this chapter. _


	6. Rain and Blood

**_Chapter 6: Blood and Rain_**

Kurama's POV

..."Hiei"...**_I stood there dumbfounded_**..."Hiei"...**_how could the most carefully composed being between us be in such an unraveling state. I couldn't take another step forward...my best friend...looking and sounding like a child, bleeding his soul through...and I...selfishly...want him to stop. He wasn't crying...he didn't make a sound after those screams...just murmurs of what he was screaming...what he did was worse though...he had hundreds of little cuts...no doubt he had scratched himself this badly with his nails...he had his demon nails...sharp as claws dragging through the skin of his upper body and his Jagan was open, no doubt maximizing the pain he was in...but why? His face didn't live past the abuse either...blood was steadily trickling and washing away in the rain...my thoughts jumped back to me...I was drenched as well...and cold...but too shocked to notice a thing. Thankfully Shizuru was stronger than I...after about ten minutes of staring at Hiei and then at my unmoving ass...she decided to take action. She walked up to Hiei who didn't acknowlege her presence but still curled into himself. She just put her hand on his shoulder...he tensed further...so much so he quit breathing. Upon seeing this...so did I...but at least I caught myself...he didn't. _**

Shizuru's POV (Same time as Kurama's thoughts)

_**Wow...what a sight. We stepped outside only to find Hiei soaked both with rain and his own blood. My heart just ripped at the thought of the pain he went throught to cause him to do this. His little face was all scrached up and destroyed. Those beautiful, wise, fire-filled eyes were dimmed and his head which was usually lifted in rebelion hung low...his shirt was badly torn and every sliver of skin seen was bleeding. My thoughts jumped to Kurama who was just standing there in disbelief saying Hiei's name no higher than a whisper every once in a great while almost like convincing himself it was only a dream. Well seeing that Kurama won't be moving anytime soon I took manners into my own hands and walked over to Hiei. He didn't make a noise but looked very uncomfortable. I guess it was a bad idea to put my hand on his shoulder...he stopped breathing. It was horrible...now I began to panic and removed my hand...but he still didn't breathe. I noticed Kurama bend down and pick something up and then walk over...still dazed as before.../rolls eyes/...boys.**_

Hiei's POV

_**No...No...they're coming closer...closer. I messed up again...I messed up. I made this place dirty...they're coming closer. They want to punish me for doing this. I made this place dirty...my dirty bastard blood has tainted the ground...the plants drinking this rain will become infected...I've tainted something new while trying to clean up the first thing I tainted...and now...they will punish me...just like before...Just... /Shizuru touches him/... /Hiei Stops Breathing/...like before. Ow! Ow! Ow!.../Shizuru removes her hand/...who was that? They...didn't beat me for this?.../Comes somewhat to his senses/...Shizuru?...Fox?... /Starts to breathe shakilly/...Where am I? **_

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Um...yeah sorry, I ended it at a cliff hanger again...and that it's so short...but it's a very hard story to write...and ending it anywhere else will ruin the suspense. Nexy chapter will be up soon...please review...this story is hard enough to write without references that show me if I did a good job or a horrid one. I really don't know.Thank you. _

_PS: ShatteredSoul56 Please update your stories...they're keeping ME in suspense! _


	7. Breathless

_**Breathless**_

The pain shoots through me like burning me from within.

If you think you know me...think again.

You sit there wondering why I stand.

I feel it burning through my throat...through my hand.

The flames subsided not long ago.

But the pain remains in its afterglow.

My heart ripped apart as I breathe.

I feel pain...so much pain...but it's hidden beneath.

Why can't I sit next to you.

Why can't I be happy around you.

Why can't I live like you do.

I waste away while you corner me

Waste away with the light of day

Why must hate cloud your heart

Why must you always block the way

I don't hate you...never have...

I've always thought of you as my better half

But now it's all done and gone

And I am once again left alone.

This breath which seeps into my lungs once more

Might never again

Save me from my own fiery death like it's done before

HIei's POV

_**The air felt so foreign to my lungs...I forgot to breathe. I felt like I don't deserve this air. Why am I out here? Why are the fox and the baka's sister here? Why is my skin all ripped up?...My Jagan...you must've granted me a moment of weakness...but I feel much worse than before. Everything hurts...but I can't act this way around them. I stood up and started to walk off...but my legs gave out. Even then I tried to hold myself up...but I fell...just like I did then...no doubt to meet the same fate, pain. I closed my eyes and landed...but it wasn't the hard floor...Kurama caught me. Shizuru took the jacket she was carrying and draped it over my shoulders. They both gave me a sad smile. I being one who doesn't respect pity...nodded Shizuru's way to thank her for her kindness...and stood up without having Kurama support me...I wish I was still being held...though I'll never admit it. Shizuru felt like a mother to me...and Kurama has always been my best friend and like my older brother...I liked the feeling of being protected...but I don't deserve it...I deserved the beating more...I deserved the pain more...more puttting down...I didn't deserve this moment. I walked into my room leaving them behind me. They both followed closely as I walked back...to catch me if I fall possibly...but I deserved this pain...I didn't deserve their love or care. I deserved to be alone.**_

Shizuru's POV

_**I felt like crying...he walked back supporting himself and almost falling down each time...but not enough for us to help him. He was in pain...and so quiet about it. Kurama looked like he would start crying any second as well. I knew I couldn't help Hiei...and he knew Hiei wouldn't accept the help. When we finally reached the room, all we heard was Botan snoring...she's very loud for a girl. Hiei walked all the way to the windowsil and sat looking outside...I closed the door to my and Botan's side of the room...and stayed with Kurama and Hiei.**_

Kurama's POV

"Hiei"

"Hn"

"Get to bed...you look tired."

"I don't want to make it dirty...I'll just sleep up here."

"You were in the rain...you're clean...we just need to wrap your wounds so they don't get infected." **_I don't think he ever fell asleep in a bed...his was still made._**

"Hn."

**_He curled into a ball and sat there. He was still bleeding but not as badly...how can you get a child to act rational. That was what Hiei is...a child...and because of that...this conversation was geting no where_**.

"Hiei, Please get down here."

_**That was Shizuru. She continued sweetly...I have never seen her act like that with her own brother.**_

"You don't want anybody to come in and find you like this do you"

**_Hiei jumped down. He sat on a chair after getting the bandages and started wrapping his own cuts. He was done before we could object. He handed Shizuru back the jacket...it was wet with water but had no blood on it...he had avoided getting blood on it...no wonder he wasn't holding it closer. Hiei put on a clean shirt...but still sat on the chair._**

"Hiei...go to sleep...the alcohol has to work its way out of your system and you won't help it any by staying up."

"Baka Kitsune, Kurama...just go to sleep...I don't want to. Shizuru, you do that as well...you shouldn't suffer on my account. Please, just go."

_**I grabbed Hiei and dragged him onto his bed holding him down...he needed to rest...I wasn't going to change my mind. He looked at me in shock...fighting back...but he was too weak to. After a couple of minutes of struggling he finally gave in exhausted and went to sleep...finally.**_

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Ok...well hope you liked it. Review. Please tell me if you want Hiei to feel better or if I have to drag this on longer...I feel so bad for him._


	8. Stupid Chorus

_**Chapter 8: Stupid Chorus**_

(Hollow Unemotional Children's Voices Singing)

Baby so fragile and torn...coming down

Hollow broken heart...falling down

Firey frozen eyes...hiding lies

You'll never be welcome in the skies  
DIE! DIE! DIE!

_**Hiei woke up in a cold sweat...he had been having the nightmare for quite some time...reliving every moment of being thrown...reliving every sin he's ever committed...every breath he took to keep him alive in this hell...and those children...the Koorime girls...ALL OF THEM...inculding Yukina...laughing and singing that horrid song...over and over and over again.**_

...Coming down

...Falling down

Never welcome in the skies

DIE!

"SHUT UP" **_Hiei grabbed his aching head already hurting from the hang over and now from that never ending incessant moronic CHANTING!..._**"Ahh"

Hiei's POV

**_Hope I didn't wake anyone. _**(Song replays in his head)**_...DAMN IT! STOP!..._**(Continues playing)**_...Ahh! Stupid...Stupid...STUPID. _**(Pictures flash of him falling down)**_...I kept my eyes open...aren't I a genius...now I get to remember the whole trip down...figures...like I need more torture! One good thing was the fact that no one was awake at the moment. Shizuru and the Fox had gone to sleep...it was now close to sunrise. The ningen time device read 5:42AM...whatever. The sun was coming up...the sky was clearing from raining all night...and now the sun was rising...the whole sky looked like it had caught fire...nothing was calm about it. _**

...Never welcome in the skies

_**SHUT UP DAMN IT! My head...it ached so badly...I guess that ningen poison worked after all. Apparently Kurama put the ward back on my Jagan...the pain had been worse last night. I was still very weak...but I guessed it was understandable considering I lost so much blood and couldn't remember the last time I ate...when was that again?...I don't know...it's not that I actually TRY not to eat...I just forget...Hn...sometimes life just goes on with or without it I guess. I guess that's why the alcohol took its toll on me like that...I was completely intoxicated from lack of food lining my stomach...Hn. **_

"ow."**_ I accidentally put too much pressure on my arm...for some reason I didn't remember I'd hurt myself till this second. Those two must've done a pretty good job cleaning me up from the mess I made...great...now I have people who clean my messes for me.../Sigh/...I guess they'll be asleep for a while...they too had a lot to drink. _**

"GOOD MORNING HIEI" **_.../Twitch/...WHY didn't SHE get drunk! _**"RISE AND SHINE SLEEPY HEADS"**_...Where's my katana..._**"Why are you so grumpy on this fine morning Hiei...I'll go make Cocoa...it's a bit chilly outside...ALL THE MORE REASON TO LET THE SUN IN" /Giggle/**_...I'm inches away...I can strangle her..._**"PUT ON YOUR MILLION WATT SMILE"**..._Calm...down...calm...DOWN!_**

It's a brand new morning

Put on a happy face

**_I'd rather have the creepy children singing...ANYONE but HER!...THAT'S IT!...I positioned myself on the edge of the bed ready to strike...5...4...3...2...Shizuru interfered. _**"Botan, shut up...not all of us went to sleep as early as you!...Or as sober!...You're giving me and Hiei an extra migrane"**_...I was slightly disappointed...until Botan started humming again and got hit in the head with a shoe..._**"OW! Alright I get it!...I'll go wake up Yusuke" /Humming/**_...FINALLY...PEACE! _**

Halelujah!

HALELUJAH!

HAAA-LE-LUUUU-JAAAH!

**_What the fuck was that! I hate the chorus in my head! _**"Good morning kid...feeling better"**_...Her voice...makes me wish I had a mother...it was always so sweet when directed to me...I_** "Hn'd"**_ as usual..._**"Good to know."**_...she said tossing me a clean pair of pants..._**"Yours were dirty, but they didn't cause a threat...besides, me and Kurama wanted to keep our lives and didn't think you'd approve of being stripped naked as you sleep." **_She gave me a very sweet smile. My eyes softened...the voices went away...my head was feeling better. I looked at her...she turned around while I changed and then turned back around when she heard me sit back down on the bed. _**"You really scared us last night Hiei."

"what happened" **_I asked_**

"You were drunk...I think you remembered somehing that caused you pain and hurt yourself."

"..."**_ I didn't know what to say._**

"Don't worry...we won't say anything...I know how you felt...I did it the first time I got drunk thinking about our parents."

"hn."**_...that one meant 'Sorry for all the trouble I caused.'_**

"You didn't...glad you're okay...I'm going to take a shower...maybe my head will clear up...wake Kurama up before Botan does."

_**That was a good idea...wake the Fox up...of course. I wouldn't want THAT to happen to him after all he's done for me. I started to walk to his bed...but as I got up I plummeted downwards...once again reliving the memory.**_

...Falling down, Coming down, Falling down

Down, DOWN, DOWN! Let those fragile bones break!

SICKENING Forbidden Child.

_**I sat there too pained to moved...too scared to move...too dead to move...I was broken, and nothing would fix me...Ever!...I managed to wake Kurama...probably causing him more of a headache. Afterall, it was the crash which woke him up. **_

"Hiei" **_...Oh, here it comes..._**"Are you alright!...what happened"

"Lost my balance, sorry for startling you." **_...I managed that sentence from my dazed state. Kurama breathed in deeply...he had jumped out of his bed and landed next to me...now he spread out on the floor...he was relieved...I have never seen Kurama scared before. _**"I'm just glad you're okay"

"Kurama...don't treat me like a helpless child...I can take care of myself." **_...His reaction was weird...he just stood up...leaving me there._**

"I'd never deny that Hiei...in fact...at times I wish you wouldn't depend so much on yourself." **_...What did that mean?_**

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Okay...I stopped there because I don't know how to finish the conversation...it's now 2:02AM...I have school tomorrow...so I'm going to bed. Review...tell me how I'm doing._

**ShatteredSoul56:**_ I'm glad you liked my other stories...still waiting on an update for your stories._

**Shives:**_ I think Hiei is younger or just as old as Kurama but not older...he even looks younger...anyways, who knows._

_Thanks to those who have reviewed this story and liked it. )_


	9. Pieces Of The Neverending Puzzle

_**Chapter Nine: The Pieces Of The Never Ending Puzzle**_

Hiei's POV

_**I was still on the floor...still too scared to move...standing up meant eventually coming down...again...and I didn't want to do that. Kurama was talking to me still...not that I could hear any of it...it was all washed away by the nothingness I was feeling. I don't know. I felt him grab my shoulders and start shaking me...I couldn't look up though...I just couldn't. I was watching them again...I was watching them taunt me...watching those who named me and "took care of me" taunt me for being so small and weak...they ironically kept saying this until I killed a few of them...then I was too evil to stay.**_

"It's Hiei."

_**I was walking back to my home...and they turned and went inside...leaving me out there. The bandits I had called a family for so long were abandoning me... I was shocked. I hadn't expected them to abandon me too...but what did I expect?...For them to care?...I AM the Forbidden Child after all. I deserved them to abandon me...I killed a few of them...I hurt them...I always hurt those who care for me. I truely am dispicable. They did nothing to me...I did it to them. I did it to them. It was all my fault...all my fault...was what they did to me my fault as well then? Did I deserve to be beaten?...Of course I did...it was afterall, All. My. Fault. I did everything to deserve it...It was all my fault.**_

Kuramas POV

**_I don't know what came over him. Maybe the booze hadn't worked its way out of his system...probably why he lost his balance. I was telling him that he didn't have to keep everything from us...That I always bitched to him about my life and he had every right to do the same because that's what friends do. Seeing the fact that he didn't respond to a word I was saying, I decided to sit back down in front of him to see if he was even still awake. He had a very dazed look on his face...and kept mumbling the words _**"My fault."**_ I started to shake him._**

"HIEI!" **_I realized this was going nowhere fast. I rushed to close the door, locking it, and sat back down...still trying to talk to him. I didn't want anyone to walk in. I knew Hiei didn't want anyone to see him this way._**

"Hiei, Hiei..."

"all my fault."

"Hiei, no it's not. No...it's not...Hiei, can you hear me!" **_He was begining to shake...and his muscles tightened...but then he released them..._**

"Kurama?"

"Hey Hiei...I thought I lost you there...You okay?"

"Sorry...I'm fine." **_NO! DON'T BE SORRY!_**

"Glad to hear it...and please tell me when something is bothering you. I hate puzzles!"

"Hn." **_I made him smirk...SWEET!_** "I thought for sure a nerd like you would like them!"

"Yes, I suppose." **_I started to laugh relieved that Hiei's sarcasm was back._**

"Kurama?"

"Hmm?"

"You did a decent job with my wounds." **_...TRANSLATION...'Thank you for looking out for me and being there for me and helping me and being my best friend.' _**

I smiled. **_...TRANSLATION...'You are welcome and it's no trouble, you'd do the same for me. I should take care of my best friend...my pleasure to.'_**

"Let's get you off the floor Hiei."**_ ...I went to pick him up...naturally he was too stuborn to accept. /Sigh/_**

"As wonderfully degrading as that sounds I think I'll manage." **_...Then he started to get up..._**

_**...Three...Two...One...**_

_**Hiei starts to fall down and gets this horrified look on his face...I didn't let him fall...my arms lodged under his armpits and moved him upwards onto the bed. I suspected he didn't have enough power to get up...as usual my calculations were correct...but they didn't explain Hiei's frightened look. After placing him on his bed and making sure his weight was sustained...I began to ponder that. (This all happened in a few seconds btw.) Then Hiei's voice broke my train of thought.**_

"Why weren't you there when I fell the first time?" **_...Another piece of the puzzle...but what did it mean!_**

"Hey Hiei! Kurama! You up yet!"

"Yes Yusuke!" **_...I guess this new clue will have to wait...I went to unlock the door, only to find a very happy and sunny Yusuke greeting me._**

"Hey Kurama. Hiei! You stil lin bed! Come on!"

"Hiei's not feeling very well Yusuke...he has a headache...didn't you when you first got drunk?" **_...Yusuke lowered his voice..._**

"Sorry Hiei...you know what will help your hangover?...some food...come on guys. Breakfast is ready."

"Hn...I'd rather stay here for a while...until my head clears up...if you don't mind detective."

"Should I bring you something to eat in here?...I mean Grandma won't like it but hey...who's gonna tell her." **_Yusuke said_**

"No, it's alright...I'm not hungry...go ahead, and take the fox with you...I know he's sure to say something noble like 'I'm not hungry either' just to make sure I'm okay...but I heard his stomach growl a few minutes ago."

_**1.He's too smart for his own good at times...2.DAMN YOU DEMON HEARING!**_

"Woaw, Hiei's more sociable as a drunk! That's the longest sentence I've ever heard him say!" **_Naturally Yusuke HAD TO say something smartassed._**

"Hn."

"Yes, a real chatter box. Go on Yusuke I'll dress and follow you."

"Okay."

_**I dressed very quickly...actually I just put on my robe...afterall, I still needed a bath.**_

"You sure you don't want anything Hiei?"

"Yes."

"Won't you get bored up here?"

"I want to sleep a while longer Fox...Botan's aggitating voice woke me up...and my headache turned into a migrane."

"Oh you poor thing...Botan!"

"Hn."**_ ...TRANSLATION...Yes, so you see my point._**

"I'll make sure no one bothers you Hiei...sleep well."

"Hn." **_His eyelids started drooping...I could tell he was exhausted._**

"You're welcome." **_I left the room shutting the door behind me so the noises coming from the kitchen would not disturb him...I'd have to piece the puzzle together later...but for now the puzzle needed some rest and quiet._**

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Ok. Well I stayed in character as much as I could...I HATE OOC! That's why Hiei's drunk! No other way in Hell he'd act like this sober! ...sorry for not updating earlier...had a lot on my mind. Hope you liked this chapter. Please review.

**Shives:**_ I don't like arguing either...so whatever...even the creator of the show made Hiei's age a mystery...he's younger in my fic...he's older in your mind...so let's agree to the fact that's he's just so cute and end it at that :) Glad you like this fic._

**Shattered Soul56:**_ Loved your new fics...you're an awesome writer...Update!_

**Suntiger:**_ Thank you for adressing me by my royal title...that was nice. :P Glad you like this story too._


	10. Can I Get Cleaned Up In Peace, Please!

_**Chapter 10: Can I Get Cleaned Up In Peace, Please?**_

Kurama's POV

**_Breakfast was loud and noisy as usual. Everyone was recovered from their drunken state. I still had a headache...but it was cleared up by the coffee. Still have that puzzle to fix...and I had an important piece at my fingertips...should talk to Hiei about it. Yusuke was messing with Keiko again...too bad for him Keiko's not a morning person._ /SMACK/_...actually...she acts this way all the time...nevermind. Japanese girls tick me off at times. They're always so happy and perky._ /Shudder/_...stupid fanclub. I'm so glad I'm out of school for a couple of weeks. Girls like Botan piss me off. Girls like Shizuru rule...but I wouldn't want to get them pissed. Keiko is okay sometimes...when not screaming "Yusuke!" /_Twitch/_...Kuwabara is bugging the shit out of Yukina. He's lucky...the girl has her brother's quiet nature...without the rage...I think it would be so funny to see her acting like Hiei. /_Breaks into a fit of laughter/...**(Hey, you would too if you imagined Yukina calling Kuwabara "Fool", saying "Hn", and Glaring.)

"Hey Kurama...you okay?" **_Yusuke asks...I hadn't realized I was laughing out loud. _**

_**Everyone was staring at me.**_

"Uh...yeah Yusuke."**_ I smiled innocently._** "I'm going to take a shower now."

**_Shizuru followed me._**

"What was so funny?"

"I imagined Yukina with Hiei's attitude and your brother's condition if she was."

"That's SOME thought...how is the little guy?"

"I left him sleeping."

"You look worried."

"It's Hiei...he'll be alright."

"Or so you hope."

**_I smile and walk to the bathroom. The water is so warm...this is Heaven. I can sit here and relax..._**/Sigh/

"Kurama!"

_**DAMN IT! **_

"Yes Botan?"

"Is it safe for me to come in?"

_**OH F''' ME! F''' ME HARD!**_

/**Twitch**/"Sure."

"Hello. Are you enjoying your bath?"

/**Muttering**/..."i was?"

"I wanted to talk to you..."

"I'm NAKED in the shower...can you please come back when I'm presentable?"

"You look fine."

_**Why do I have to take the seeds out of my hair when I bathe! Where is my F'''ing Rose Whip when I need it.**_

"Botan...leave the man alone."

_**THANK YOU GOD! Shizuru deserves some credit too. **_

"But why?" ...Stupid DEATH!

_**Once again...Thank you Shizuru. I didn't know Blue hair can be used for dragging.**_

"Thank you Shizuru."

"No problem kid."

_**Hn...that was close...DID I JUST HN! Damn it Hiei, I'm picking up your lovely manerisms! I can use sarcasm fluently too...GREEAAT! I'll finish up before I'm INTERUPTED...AGAIN! **_

"Kurama!"

_**Oh NO...OH NO...OH! NO! I was just done with Botan...and now the only MORE ANNOYING person in the group was heading my way! ...Kuwabara.**_

"LEAVE THE GUY ALONE! DAMN! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU WERE BATHING AND SOMEONE INTERUPTED YOU EVERY FIVE MINUTES!"..."Can it be Yukina?"**.._..Kuwabara got his head bashed in by Shizuru Once again THANK YOU SHIZURU. He's lucky Hiei's asleep._**

_**Back to relaxing.**_

Hiei's POV

**_Well, this is a lovely way to wake up. You can have your birds and dewy flowers any day...as long as I get the sound of Kuwabara's head being bashed in. I got up and sat on the windowsill, I thought my head would clear up if I did. Kurama walks in...well actually RUNS in and locks the door. He's in his bath robe...I wonder what's going on. He turns around, heaves a sigh, and slides to the floor. I'm looking at him with slight confusion._**

"What happened to you?" **_...He looks at me smiling._**

"You're awake."

"Hn." **_...No, I'm asleep but fully conscious..._**(There's Your Sign! Lol.)

"Botan is following me...Kuwabara is following me...even into the shower."

_**Kurama is funny at times. He's so nice to people that he allows them to trample on his privacy...but I didn't know it can go that far.  
**_

"Hn." **_...I was amused... _**"Get dressed Kurama...it's cold." **_He takes my advice...naturally I keep my head turned to the opposite side as he changes._**

"So, how are you feeling now?"

"Hn."

"Good to know."

"Hiei?"

"Hn?"

"Let me get those bandages off for you so you can go shower, you'll be completely restored after that...word of warning though...lock the door."

**/Smirk/** "Baka!...I'll be okay kitsune, I am fully capable of taking them off on my own."

"You sure?" ...Um...No! Can I get a lifeline?...Stupid ningen small talk.

"Hn."

"As you wish."

Kurama's POV

**_I felt much better after my shower. I ran like no tomorrow to my room. Hiei was up...I was relieved. 1.Because he's feeling better. and 2.Because I had someone who can easily deep fry Kuwabara and Botan and had good reason to do so...as I always say...choose your friends wisely. I lucked out on Hiei. Of course he laughed at my pain...well smirked...it's Hiei. _**

_**I respected his wishes in removing the bandages on his own. Afterall, Hiei wasn't one to take sympathy lightly...I knew that so I left him do it...under my watchful eye, unknown to him...I pretended to read a book...I had something to say to him...but, I didn't know how to start the conversation.**_

Hiei's POV

**_Something was on Kurama's mind and I knew it...For one thing...he was holding the book upside down...so I knew he wasn't reading. The bandages were hard to undue...no doubt he was enjoying watching me struggle with them...baka kitsune. I got done with them after much pain and decided to take a shower...not saying a word as I exited the room._**

Kurama's POV

**_It can wait until he gets back. I'm sure the explaination will take longer than the shower...WHAT LANGUAGE IS THIS BOOK WRITTEN IN!_**

"Fox?"

"Hmm?"

"Your book is upside down."

**/Anime fall/**

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Yes, thank you, I know, I'm evil, I'm so evil. I wait for a month to update then I make it a Cliff Hanger! AGAIN! Sorry. I had finals and stuff. I hadn't realized it's been so long since I updated. I'll update within the week. Hope you liked this chapter...I felt like adding a mystery/funny moment. CAN YOU GUESS WHAT KURAMA WANTS TO TALK TO HIEI ABOUT? I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT...it has something to do with an earlier chapter...WHOEVER GUESSES GETS SWEET SNOW! lol _

Also, I went off subject...but the next chapter is HORRIBLY ANGSTY! Don't worry.

**Forbiddensoul562:** _Sorry, hadn't realized I was keeping anyone in suspense. And yes, if you have any ideas tell me...actually, I want everyone who reads my stories to tell me what they think. _

**DemonHiei'sGirl:** _Thank you._

**Youko Kurama Hiei Jaganishi:**_ Yes, they're twins and the same age. DUH! Why did you ask?_

**Shattered Soul**_: Glad you like my other stories_

**Anonomous:** Whoever you are...Thanks.

_THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR REVIEWING!_


	11. Tainted

_**Chapter 11: Tainted**_

Hiei's POV

"Why?"

"Why!"

_**Why was I sent here. Why did I live...why?...I came into the shower to "relax" to "clean up"...I lied. I came in here to break down. I came in here to show weakness without any shame. Hundreds of small cuts covered my body...I did this...I did it...and they cleaned my mess up. They love me?...they care? **_

"Why?"

_**Why do they care?...Could it be a trick? Are they setting me up for another heart break?...Do they hate me?...Of course they do. Who would love a quiet, boring, depressing...**_

"Forbidden Child!"

_**Why do I have to live by a title I did not earn? I hadn't done anything to deserve this title...nothing but being born...I guess that was bad enough...bad enought to make them throw me off...bad enough for them to hate me...bad enough for my mom to kill herself...bad enough for Yukina to live a life without a mother...or a brother...or anyone. No one to look after her. No one to tell her she did nothing to deserve this...that it was all her brother's fault.**_

"All...my fault."

_**Nothing can change that...nothing can change it. I can't go back...even if I went back...where to?...to the begining of my life?...wasn't that the reason for everything?...I can't go back before I was born...to prevent my birth...how? to kill my mother...to kill Yukina...no...NOTHING! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE IT! **_

"I'm nothing..."

_**No...I'm something...the end to everyone's happiness...that would be what I am...PAIN...SORROW...FILTH!...even the water in this shower is hissing at me.**_

**/Whisper/** "Forbidden..."

_**Forbidden to love, to feel happy, to have friends, to bring happiness...to help anyone...to be helped by anyone. I can't let them help me anymore...I just CAN'T! I only bring pain to the lives of those I come across...and I don't want to do it to them as well...not now...but I will. Wouldn't my leaving bring pain to them...wouldn't that damned day be even more of a curse than the day they met me? And what about death? If I kill myself...they'll think they weren't good enough. **_

"What am I?...everyone's damnation."

_**Done with the moment of weakness...no more breaking down...no more...I should go through the rest of my life with little to no interference...I don't want to destroy anything else. I'll help out...if there's absolutely no way I could create an even bigger mess for them to clean up...my being is pointless...I was a mistake...a mistake I have to live with...a mistake that the world has to live with...a mistake that can never be corrected...**_

_(Hiei comes out of the shower and gets dressed then leaves heading for his room)_

_**I heard the baka fiery onna talking to Kurama while heading back to the room...poor kitsune. Shizuru was there with him though...I decided not to enter...I'm not important to anything in there. I guess I'll just head outside...go for a walk...get a bit of fresh ai-UGH. **_

"I'm sorry Hiei. I didn't see you." **_...Yukina?...She was carrying a shit load of comforters and couldn't see in front of her...where's the baffoon when she needs a hand...NOWHERE! _/Glare/_ I pick them up and carry them for her. I looked at her and saw the most angelic smile grace her lips..._**"Thank you."**_ she said._**

"Are you feeling better? Yusuke said you had a headache from all the drinking you did last night...I never thought you'd be the kind to get drunk."

**_DAMN IT YUSUKE! Give her another reason to be ashamed of me, why don't you! _**"My fault for being stupid enough to do it...I deserve the pain I felt." **_She didn't say anything. I unloaded the comforters into a closet room and turned back...bowing slightly to Yukina before I left. _**

"Hiei?"

"Hn?"

"Thank you." **_No...Damn me. _**"Are you hungry?...I'm certain you didn't eat yesterday...and you missed breakfast...I can fix you something."

"No...I'm fine...go take a break...that would make me feel better." **_I walked off heading to my room which was cleared of the blue haired freak by Shizuru who as I walked in was leaving. She petted me and said _**"Glad you're feeling better kid."**_ I wish she would stop being so nice to me...I didn't deserve her kindness._**

"Hiei!" **_This was Kurama who was apparently hiding while the room was de-Botanized. _**"We need to talk." **I gave him a look like he was stupid...I don't "TALK". **

"What do you want Kurama?"

"Um...the thing is...yesterday I found something...something I think belongs to you."

"I'll quote Yusuke...and this scares me 'I'm going to start charging you money for being vague'."

**/Sweatdrop/**..."Um...I found this."

**/Kurama digs into his pocket and pulls the teargem Hiei had cries the night before./**

_**That's mine...I did that...I cried?...I can cry teargems?...They're Black! **_

"I thought you'd be surprised...you've never cried before, have you?"

"no"

"I guess your Koorime genes are partially dominant Hiei."

"Hn." **_I was saddened by it...I could cry them too...but they were impure...even in crying I'm reminded of my title. _**"How many?"

"One...I picked it up so Yukina wouldn't suspect anything...here you go." **/Hands it to Hiei./**

"No...I don't want it...burn it!"

"Why Hiei?"

"Because it's part of me...and that makes it tainted."

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Author here...umm...you're going to be shocked at the contents of the next chapter. Kurama loses his cool...KURAMA BECOMES HIEI'S WORST NIGHTMARE! I'm enjoying this too much. Review._

_Thanks to all the reviews. _

**Forbiddensoul562:**_ Good idea...but I'm not even allowing Hiei the luxury of thinking of that. He thinks he doesn't deserve peace...so I can't use it. Thanks for the idea though._


	12. I Want My Best Friend Back!

_**Chapter 12: I Want My Best Friend Back!**_

Kurama's POV

Hiei: "It's part of me...and that makes it tainted."

_**I don't know what made me do it but I did...I don't know what in the world possessed me to do it...but I did it. I flew off the hinges...I went insane. It was as if this wasn't Hiei talking to me...as if it wasn't my best friend in the world in need of help...as if this wasn't the same person who would do anything for me...I acted as if he was the enemy. I acted as if it was Karasu who just spoke...and the words sounded like his sickening phrases towards me...I was enraged. In my and Karasu's fight...I flew into a maddening rage...forgot all tactics...forgot all mind tricks...and just charged at him. Hiei's words had just done that to me. I didn't even have time to think of something clever to say...no...I just let my fist collide with his face sending him flying into the wall. I WANTED it to hurt...I wanted it to hurt him as much as that had hurt me...and he said nothing. AFTER ALL THE FIGHTS HIEI WENT THROUGH...AFTER ALL THE STUFF HE DEALT WITH...HOW COULD HE THINK HE WAS NOTHING! How could he take this beating without so much as an attempt tp defend himself! He took it...HIEI TOOK IT WITHOUT A FIGHT! He just sat there without moving.**_

"Are you going to stay there Hiei!" **_No response. _**"Answer me!...Are you going to just LET me hit you! Are you going to take this! Aren't you going to hit me back! Aren't you going to defend yourself!"..."ANSWER ME!"

"No Kurama." **_His voice was barely audible...not surprising...I was breathing so hard. _**"I won't...I have no right to."

"What do you mean **/Mimicing/'**I have no right to'...did you turn dumb all of a sudden! HUH! I just HIT you HIEI! HIT ME BACK!"

"The Forbidden Child has no right to hit Youko Kurama...you're perfect...and I am nothing." **_Once again no time to think...I charged at him again. I beat him as hard as I could...I made sure it hurt...it was killing me that Cocky ass Hiei was now as submissive as play dough! NO! GIVE ME BACK MY FRIEND! He kept his head down his eyes averted...I /_Punch/ _want /_Punch_/ my /_Punch/_ Friend /_Punch/_ Back! I took a step back finally hitting reality. I wasn't in a fight. I was beating up Hiei. Hiei! My best friend...the only person who understands me...I was causing him more pain...and I was...crying? Crying because I did this to him...crying because my best friend's spirit was broken...crying because I couldn't do anything to help. I've done nothing to help...all this time I thought Hiei felt better knowing he had a friend...but I had truely done nothing to help...and now, I was BEATING him? _**_(A/N...Kurama has tears running dowm his cheeks...he's crying because of anger.)_

"Hiei."**_ I was looking at what my own two hands have done. Hiei's face was battered up and bruised. He was holding his stomach very tightly. He was on the verge of passing out. I had hit him with all God gave me of strength...but he wasn't crying. He was probably afraid from "tainting" anything else. I felt as if he put up another wall...like he pushed away again...as if afraid to upset me again...My heart softened when I saw him pull his legs to himself. He was truely alone now...in his mind...he was alone._** "Stupid." **_I got down on my knees and hugged him placing a hand over his stomach to heal the bruise that seemed to bother him the most. I didn't want him to feel this much pain. I wanted him to feel better...but how?_** "I didn't mean to do that."**_ His little shoulders slumped down...he didn't flinch...just sat there. I could feel him shaking._** "I'm sorry Hiei. I'm _so_ sorry." **_I tightened my grip around his shoulders...he relaxed somewhat and I was relieved._**

"Don't apologize Kurama...Not for this...this is what I'm worth...you should be sorry for wasting your time and caring so much."

**_I pulled away and looked at him...he was completely serious...no sarcasm? no malice? _**"Hiei...what's wrong with you?...You were never like this...you always fought back...why is my warrior-like friend carrying such a broken spirit?...After all you fought against...you're willing to give up that easily?"

"I know my place in the world now Kurama...I should've never been born...and considering that could not have been avoided...then I shouldn't have survived that fall."

"That fall Hiei...?" **_Is that what he was talking about when he asked why I wasn't there to pick him up the "FIRST TIME"...?_**

"The Koorime...threw me off their island when I was born."

"But the Koorime island...from what I know is in the skies of Makia."

"Yes...so you understand why I said I shouldn't have survived...that and the fact that I am a burden to this entire world." **_My eyes widened...thrown?...THROWN!...why would anyone THROW a child off into Makai!_**

"Hiei..." **_I was trying to find the right words...I had so many questions...but Hiei interrupted. He stood up struggling slightly._**

"I hold you in the highest respect Kurama...you are my _best_ and probably _only_ friend in the world...that is...if you still WANT to be my friend knowing I am the bastard child of the Koorime...the MUTT no one wants...and no one cares for...the Forbidden Child."

_**...what?**_

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_Ok...I know some of you are thinking THIS IS OUT OF CHARACTER!...but really it's not. Kurama loses his calm every so often fighting...like the fight with Karasu. I think if he was to go off on Hiei...Hiei would take it and Kurama will feel bad for acting without rationalizing first...so really, I couldn't be more in character. About the crying...we saw him on the verge of tears when he killed the guy impersonating Kuroune, and when Yusuke died the second time...so I think he'd cry if he thought he lost his BEST friend. Sorry for the Cliff Hanger. Thanks to all who reviewed...Review to tell me what you thought of this. Later._

_Ps: Does anyone else find the new rating system POINTLESS AND ANNOYING!...Cause I surely do._


	13. It's not my fault?

**_Chapter 13: Not my fault?_**

Hiei's POV

_**Little children cry for their moms when they're hurt...but I cry for Kurama, foolish as that sounds. He's my best and only friend...but he just beat me. Kurama...beat me. My only comfort in the world now hated me as well. I am now truely important to no one. I am now truely nothing. I've never had anyone who has given a damn about me in my whole pathetic little life. I've always been the expendable, replacable, cheap, forbidden and damned one!...but not around Kurama. He's like air to my lungs. My best friend, my ONLY friend, my only comfort in this world...the only person who might give a shit if I died...or so I thought. **_

_**He was hitting me with everything he's got...well, short of using his rose whip to choke me. I was scared...I knew Kurama was capable of hurting me...but I never thought he would. He knew I'd never fight him. I'd never hit him back...no, not Kurama. Yusuke I'd hit, it was part of our routine...the Fool I'd insult...that was part of our routine...those are the ways I communicated with the rest of the team. Kurama and I never communicated through fighting or insults...just pure knowledge. I knew how to make his life easier...and he knew how to make mine tolerable. We never felt the need to talk or fight. I could feel pain radiating from him as he hit me...it gave me some comfort knowing that he didn't want to do it...not to me...or to the person I WAS. The Hiei that stood in front of him scared him and me as well. I had hurt him...more than the punches could ever hurt me. Kurama was crying. I was ashamed of myself for what I've made the carefully composed youko do. I wished I could die then...just cease to exist...cease to bring pain to everyone. **_

_**I deserved being hit...what I didn't deserve were all the times he helped me and that apology. He shouldn't have apologized. I'm too worthless to be apologized to. I wanted to cry so badly...but I couldn't. My stupid tears brought this up in the first place. I hate myself. I hated myself for dragging Kurama into this crap. I hate myself for causing him such pain. **_

"Hiei."**_ The voice didn't belong to Kurama...I had killed his spirit. _**"Stupid." **_Yes, I know...I am stupid. _**"I didn't mean to do that."**_ I didn't mean to reduce my friend into a crying clingy being with a tear stained face. _**"I'm sorry Hiei. I'm _so_ sorry." **_Damn it! YOU SHOULDN'T BE! I had to tell him the truth, I just had to._**

"Don't apologize Kurama...Not for this...this is what I'm worth...you should be sorry for wasting your time and caring so much." **_I pulled away from the sincere embrace. I noticed he was trying to undo the injury he caused me by punching my stomach. I didn't deserve it. I never deserved to have such a good friend either. I never deserved such loyalty. _**

"Hiei...what's wrong with you?...You were never like this...you always fought back...why is my warrior-like friend carrying such a broken spirit?...After all you fought against...you're willing to give up that easily?" **_I had to pull away. I couldn't look at his eyes any longer. They held pity. I HATED PITY! _**

"I know my place in the world now Kurama...I should've never been born...and considering that could not have been avoided...then I shouldn't have survived that fall."

"That fall Hiei...?"

"The Koorime...threw me off their island when I was born." **_His eyes widened, the face that had reminded everyone of stone even during battle was pale. Fear etched across it. _**

"But the Koorime island...from what I know is in the skies of Makia."

"Yes...so you understand why I said I shouldn't have survived...that and the fact that I am a burden to this entire world." **_The look returned to pity but still held fear. I guess my sorry attempt at standing up was pity inducing._**

"Hiei..." **_This is it...this is the last time Kurama will ever say my name without disgust._**

"I hold you in the highest respect Kurama...you are my _best_ and probably _only_ friend in the world...that is...if you still WANT to be my friend knowing I am the bastard child of the Koorime...the MUTT no one wants...and no one cares for...the Forbidden Child."

_**I hated myself for that. His look went to pure shock. Naturally Youko Kurama knew the legend of the Forbidden Child. I just wondered how he'd take it knowing that his friend was that repulsive creature. Youko would kill me...but Kurama was part human...either way...**_

"I guess that makes me no one then." **_...WHAT! _**

"Are you not disgusted by knowing that!"

"Hiei, if anything, you should be the one disgusted with me. I EARNED my title in Makai...you were unjustly stuck to it." **_It's not my fault? _**

"...So...you don't hate me?"

"Never." **_I really had a friend? This was too much. _**

"Kurama?"

"Hmm?"

"Keep it."

_**He smiled. We were back to our usual communication. I flit outside. I was planning to leave and never come back...but that would've been dumb. At least now I had someone who cares. I still didn't deserve it...but it was a nice feeling.**_

Yukina's POV

_**I saw my brother leave the room after what seemed like forever. Yusuke, Keiko, Shizuru, Kazuma, and Genkai all went out for a walk. I was too tired to join. I felt a disturbance from the room which held Kurama and my brother. Naturally I wasn't one to interfere. **_

_

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...Umm...hi. I hope you liked this chapter. I made Hiei feel somewhat better. You didn't really think I'd make Kurama out to be a bastard did you? No. I love Kurama. Well, about what one of you said. HELL NO! I'M NOT MAKING THIS YAOI! I LIKE MY HOT HIEI STRAIGHT AS I LIKE KURAMA STRAIGHT! Anyways, Yes, Yukina knows. Hiei doesn't know Yukina knows. Here's the explaination:_

_Remember the episode where Yukina gives Hiei the tear jem...when she says. "I think that's the sort of advice a girl might get from her brother." Yeah, the girl is Hiei's sister...SHE'S NOT THAT DUMB! THEY HAVE THE SAME GENES. So yeah, review...as you can tell...this is going to get REALLY messy! _


	14. Worried

_**Chapter 14: Worried**_

Kurama's POV

_**Like all good things our vacation came to an end. It has been nearly a week since Hiei left. We took two weeks off for Spring Break. Naturally, being the "good boy" that I am, my mother allowed me to stay here as long as I wished. Tomorrow though, school starts back up. Yusuke and Kuwabara are very exited... Ok, so maybe sarcasm is not one of my strong points. Now we were back to school, our lives, and Koenma's orders. None of us are very exited about the latter. We've grown a stronger bond during this vacation. Yukina even asked me to take care of Hiei...as did Shizuru. It's like I'm his keeper. No matter, I'd rather be that then what I am now...worried. The last conversation between Hiei and myself was a good start...START being the operative word. It is not natural for him to be away for such a long time...but Mukuro needs him I suppose. As we left Genkia's temple, Yukina was acting somewhat sparatic. She was no doubt worried as well...and the fact that she's his twin wasn't helping my case any. Shizuru herself was pretending nothing was wrong until we left...but after that...she had a very scary talk with me. **_

"Kurama?"

"Yes?"

"Did Hiei tell you where he's going?"

"No. He just left."

"And your fight with him?" **_I've always known she was the smart one. No one aside from Yukina was in the house when we fought and yet...she knew._**

"It ended. No hard feelings were kept."

"I know he can't be mad at you. You two are best friends."

"Shizuru?"

"Yes?"

"You have a bad feeling about his disappearance don't you?"

"Read my mind kid."

"I feared as much."

Hiei's POV

**_Where am I? _**/Sniff/**_ Makia? That can't be right. I didn't come here willingly. _**

"Of course not Forbidden Child!"

Kurama's POV

"Hiei!" **_...Just another nightmare. Three weeks have passed since our vacation ended. We are all back to our regular lives...but for some reason I've returned to mine with horrible nightmares that plague me. They all seem to revolve around Hiei. I've seen nearly every kind of pain being inflicted on him throughout these nightmares...everyone ending in his death. Hiei...please be okay. _**

/Knock Knock Knock/

_**Could it be! Who else would knock on my window! Surely enough...red eyes, spikey black hair...Hiei's back. **_

_**I quickly unlock the window...just to get a surprisingly heavy demon falling onto my shoulders...drenched in his own blood...dirt all over him. Were my nightmares...visions? Oh God I hope not!**_

"Hiei! What happened!"

"Safety."**_ That was all he said before passing out. I took care of his wounds naturally...though it seemed like they'd never cease to bleed. His limbs were badly torn up...especially his right arm...the dragon was sliced through. His legs were incessantly bleeding with pieces of leaves stuck to them...Makai leaves? I couldn't look at him for very long. I was starting to feel rage. I wanted to kill whoever is responsible for this! I could not...never in a million years be able to reach the wounds this way._**

"Hiei?"**_ I said shaking him slightly. His eyes opened lazily. _**"I need you to clean up a little...use the shower so I can fix your wounds." **_I then realized he couldn't move an inch. _**"I'll get you in there...just clean up and then I'll bind your cuts."**_ A very faint 'Hn' was the only responce I got._**

**_He was in the shower now. I had to get my medical kit ready. I also had to clean up the blood. He had leaned more on me so there wasn't much on the floor. I decided to change my shirt. The shower was turned off. I knocked and walked inside handing Hiei a towel and a pair of boxers...which he barely had time to put on before collapsing again. It must've been tough...whatever he went through. I finished cleaning his wounds and called Yusuke and Kuwabara. Yusuke was surprised as ever and Shizuru picked up the phone...I merely said _**"Hello?"**_ when she responded with _**"Oh dear God, I'll get Kazuma on the phone immediately...how is he!" **_After calming her down I told Kuwabara to come right over. Shizuru had already explained everything._**

_**It took them about 15 minutes to get here...yes, this group is well prepared for emergencies. It was only seven a.m. Hiei had arrived at about 3:00 last night...it took me four hours to get him back to...well breathing normally for one thing. His chest had horrible gashes on it. I was very stunned at the fact that I managed a quiet enough resque without waking up the whole house!**_

"Kurama...how is he?"

"Better Yusuke...but not ok."

"How'd the shrimp get so hurt?"

"Don't know. I guess we'll have to wait and see."

"He looks so...helpless."

"Indeed he was Yusuke...I wonder how long he's had to endure all of that!"

Hiei's POV

_**I woke up to the voices of Kurama, Yusuke, and Kuwabara. For a moment the location slipped my mind then I remembered...Kurama's room...the numbing ice over the open wound...this is the place I feel most at home. I hugged the covers to me in an attempt to keep the good feeling...but I knew what was to come next...I had to explain what happened. I had to tell them what I had to go through...and then the pity and the disgust will mix in together...and I will once again be looked upon as worthless and pathetic. **_

"Hiei, you awake?"

"Hn."**_ Yes detective...awake...though I wish I weren't._**

_

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__Ok...umm...yeah. I'm going to mess things up even more. I've never been good at ending a story...so you'll get to enjoy many more chapters!...Or...you'll just quit reading and leave me. /Tear/...I'm over it! Seriously guys thanks for all your support. I'm sorry to whoever is reading Sweet Snow Anonymous...I haven't updated in a while...but hey I promise I'll get to it...I'll also update this more often...trust me it willget much more interesting.Two people I want to talk to._

**_ShatteredSoul56:_** _I want an update from you little missy! Thank you for continuing to review my story. Glad you like it._

_**ForbiddenSoul562:** Thanks for all your support. Your story was very good. I'm glad I have someone like you to talk to._


	15. Choking On Poison

_**Chapter 15: Choking on Poison**_

Yusuke's POV

_**Something wasn't right. Hiei's posture...it was different...he was different. He sat up in the bed...but pulled his legs under his chin and hugged them tightly. He looked like he was VERY young...and very scared. Kurama had left for a couple of minutes to get something for Hiei to eat and drink when he felt the change in his energy and recognized it as waking up. Made sense, he has been without food or water for God knows how long. Hiei looked at us as if we were foreign to him. He said nothing. He just continued to stare at Kuwabara and I that way...without recognition...what the Hell? Hiei...what the Hell happened to you? **_

"Hiei? Are you alright?" **_At this he hugged his legs tighter to his body causing the gash on his side to start bleeding again...Stupid Yusuke._**

"We've been very worried about you Shrimp...please say something."**_ I was glad Kuwabara spoke...I wanted to see Hiei's reaction to his voice...it had a worse impact than mine. Hiei's wound continued to bleed and he clenched his hands so tight the nails made them bleed. This was not a good sign. _**

_**Kurama walked in with a tray in his hands. Looked like he just brought Hiei some soup. Hiei's look changed from distrust and fear to relaxation...well somewhat. Kurama's presence brought about some sort of peace apparently. I was glad it did. The food was placed in front of Hiei and he devoured it like anyone who hasn't eaten in a good while...that is why he began to choke. **_

Kurama's POV

_**Luckily I didn't forget the water. Hiei was eating too fast so he choked. His reaction to the choking was unexpected. I've seen him deal with this situation before by breathing deeply and not letting anyone notice...not this time though. This time Hiei freaked out and began thrashing around wildly throwing everything around him away...good thing the plates were empty, and made of ceramic...they didn't shatter into a million pieces...not that it mattered he managed to cut himself on it anyways. It was as if he was dealing with the situation without the use of his nose. I automatically grabbed his shoulders and calmed him down a bit while he took the water. I realized that he did not recognize his surroundings. He was fighting a battle all his own...nothing to do with the world around him now.**_

Hiei's POV

_**My captors brought me some food...but was it poisoned? Did they trick me into believing that was really Kurama handing it to me? I tried to think but swallowed too soon. I was chocking...on the poison. The bastards blocked my nose so I can't take a breath...I'm going to die...I'm going to die...I am seriously going to die by the hands of these impersonators...haven't I escaped? I felt the glass cut through me and then two hands on my shoulders trying to give me something...Poison...No...Water.**_

"Hiei! Snap out of it!"

**_I hear Kurama's voice...but were is he...and why is the poison getting closer? _**

"Hiei! It's water! DRINK IT!"

_**Yusuke? **_

"Come on Shrimp...if you don't you'll die!"

_**Kuwabara?**_

_**I took the poison...water...whatever...and drank it...anything is better than choking. As I drank it my surroundings became clear. Kurama's room...Yusuke...Kurama...Kuwabara...all in here. I was safe? It was water...just water...not something to kill me...something to save me.**_

"Welcome back Hiei." **_...Kurama._**

Kurama's POV

_**I was shocked when Hiei threw the glass...which thankfully was plastic...and lunged himself at me hugging me like a child who has just found its mother. I felt him start to sob. It was heart-wrenching to feel Hiei breakdown like this. Even after our fight...he went back to being composed without any sign of an emotion. I hugged him back in an effort to comfort him...but he only sobbed harder.**_

"Hiei? What happened to you?" **_I heard Yusuke ask him._**

"Yusuke...I don't think now is the time to ask."

"Oh...of course Kurama."

_**Yusuke came closer and placed a hand on Hiei's shoulder whispering to him that it's all going to be okay and that nothing can harm him. Kuwabara even came closer and messed with Hiei's hair saying that he was glad Hiei was okay. Hiei then relaxed a bit and pulled back to a sitting position and with visible discomfort began to tell the story. But first, he asked a rather odd question:**_

"How do I know you're really you?"

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_Umm...Author is feeling somewhat messed up at the moment. You guys will read horrible types of torture in the next chapter. Don't worry, if this chapter doesn't make sense to you...it will when you read the next one. I'm sure you'll love it...because you're SICK AND TWISTED!...but that's okay. It's 1:49 A.M and I'm going to bed in a little bit. Hope you enjoyed this. **Review please.**_


	16. The ExplainationWell, sort of

_**Chapter 16: The Explaination...Well, Sort Of**_

_**Cry little baby there's no one to hold you.**_

_**Die little baby no one cares.**_

_**If you fly pretty baby you'll eventually fall.**_

_**Down little baby, down till you hit the floor. **_

_**And you will scream. You will cry...but no one will give a damn...if you die.**_

Kurama's POV

"How will I know it's really you?"

"That's a rather odd question Hiei...what do you mean by it?"

"Yeah Hiei what happened to you?"**_ Yusuke naturally chimed in...a bit softer than usual. Kuwabara couldn't even speak. His awareness was scaring him no doubt. Hiei's soul was fully exposed and it looked like Kuwabara couldn't handle it._**

"I'm only asking because..." **_Not a good sign. Hiei's sentences were starting to mesh again._**

"Because?"**_ Yusuke prodded_**

"They looked like you...the talked like you...but they -"

"Hiei?" **_He took a ragged breath_**

"Would you like some water?"

"No, fine Kitsune."

"Can you tell us what happened?"

"I've been -- In Makai for the past 3 weeks...with you guys."

"How is that possible when we've been here all along Hiei!"

"I don't know. All I know is --- I woke up to Yusuke's voice saying "Welcome to the world that you DESERVE to live in."

"My voice?" **_Hiei nodded. _**

"I would rather not talk about it."

"Hiei...please do...we have to know."

"Don't worry. The demons who did this to me are dead. I killed them...I -- was -- I waited for them to take their original form. It was..." **_I'm assuming the rest of that sentence was 'Hard to kill an image of my friends'...but we'll never really know. Hiei fell into another trance._**

Hiei's POV (Flashback)

"Welcome to the world you DESERVE to live in."

"Yusuke?"

"Don't speak to me with so much familiarity Forbidden Bitch!" **_A whip was raised a popped licking Hiei's back. He was hanging from the ceiling of the room by chains around his arms. His feet could barely touch the ground at his tip-toes. _**"You should learn to stop being such an insolent brat! **_/POP/_** Finally, since Koenma doesn't need you anymore...we can play with you as we please."

"That's right shrimp...this is where we get you back."**_ /Punch/ _**"That's for not telling Yukina you're her brother!"**_ /Punch/ _**"That's for her suicide over a waste of flesh brother who never cared!"

"Yukina" **_Yukina's dead? _**"She can't...she can't die."

"SHE DID! AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! **_/Punch/_** And she left you a message...NO WAY IN HELL would you ever be viewed as her brother! Not even in DEATH!" **_The last punch resulted in a couple of broken bones because of Hiei's inability to move._**

"Guys...no need to pour salt on the open wounds...nice to see you again Hiei." **_It was Kurama's voice but the sentence was said with sarcasm rather than pity._**

"Kurama?"

/Youko Form/..."Didn't Yusuke already tell you not to speak to your master with such familiarity!" **_Long sharp claws rip through Hiei's chest as Youko laughed mercilessly._**

"Hiei?...Hiei?...HIEI!"

Kuwabara's POV

_**Urameshi's cries were in vain. Of course he couldn't hear us...it made sense...he was reliving everything. Being tortured by the people you thought cared. I might not be the Shrimp's favorite person...and he might not be mine...but we're still a team...and we're still his friends...and we should definately try to help. Besides, I know if I went through that...I'd be feeling lower than shit now. **_

"Hiei!"

"I doubt he can hear you Urameshi."

"What the Hell am I supposed to do then!"

"Perhaps it was our own fault to make him attempt recalling those memories so soon." **_Kurama admitted guiltily before trying to free Hiei from the trance he was currently in. Stupid Shrimp...why does he always like to suffer alone. He's already proven himself man enough. He's already proven to be trust worthy and loyal...and helpful to others in need...but why does he insist on suffering alone!_**

"I killed my sister...I'm nothing. I deserved it, Yusuke. I did, Youko...I did, Kuwabara. I'm...nothing. "

"Don't you _dare_ say that again Hiei!" **_Urameshi was on the verge of tears...he was already shaking Hiei with everything he's got to wake him up._**

"Yes Master Urameshi."**_ WHAT! Hiei was referring to someone as MASTER!_**

"Master! Hiei, snap out of it!"

"Thorns were meant to dig holes deep within things they find appalling."**_ Hiei said sounding alot like Kurama. Kurama was staring in shock at Hiei...as if he'd heard the sentence before._**

"What does that mean?"**_ Kurama asked. He seemed to have a strategy. _**"It means beauty has the right to be cruel." **_...like always Kurama's strategy was working._**

Yusuke's POV

_**I was nearly crying. Hiei was being submissive...if I ever find those bitches I swear I'll kill them all!...but Hiei said they were already dead. Kurama's plan in focusing on one subject caused Hiei's trance-like state to become numb and calm...but it was still highly confusing.**_

"Hiei? Who told you beauty has that right?" **_Kurama asked._**

"Youko." **_Kurama was visibly uncomfortable and upset...taking a deep breath before proceeding._**

"What happened between you and 'Youko'?"

"He wanted a slave." **_Hiei was slowly regaining clarity._**

"Did they hurt you?"

"Hn."

"How?"

"Was it just beating?"

"Did they know anything about your past Hiei?" **_Hiei was now tensing visibly._** "And they used it against you...didn't they?"**_ Silence...Body language betraying a Yes._**

"Do you know who they were?" **_I asked. Kurama was sometimes a little too boring and slow at retrieving information._**

"Low class demons with copying abilities."

"Don't sound like a match to you."

"I was running out of energy when they caught me...they were one of the teams eliminated in the Dark Tournament...and they wanted revenge on the members of the winning team. Their plan was to turn me against you so I'd kill you, probably knowing they were too weak to do it themselves. I was warded and couldn't sense their inferior spirit energy to determine it wasn't yours."

"Then how did they know your past?"

"Mind readers...their immitation Oaf could read minds...which should've been a dead give-away that this was too useful to be Kuwabara."**_ Kuwabara didn't even come back with a smartass comment. _**"Shrimp, could you drop the "I'm okay" act...you've been through a LOT of crap over your life...reliving it in three weeks was no picnic for you...just admit it."

"Fool." **_At least Hiei was back to glaring...that was a good sign._**

Hiei's POV

_**I can't believe the oaf has actually figured something out without any help. Hn. At least that's over. Stupid demons...stupid ningens...stupid "friends"...Hn. I feel weak. Being exposed to the fool and the detective is not pleasant. Kurama I don't mind so much...his demon honor code will forbid him from picking on me. Oh right...my best friend used to be Youko Kurama...forget what I said about an honor code. Baka Kitsune.**_

"Hiei?"

"Hn?"

"Didn't you hear me...I said did you figure out why they were after you?" **_Kurama must have his hearing aid off...damn old ass fox!_**

"Revenge."

"That can't be it...and there is no mind reader that could manipulate your Jagan."**_ Good point._**

"What the hell? So no one can read his mind because of his third eye? Then how the hell did they know Fox-Boy?" **_Kurama's right eye began to twitch...which would've been funny had I not been waiting for an explaination. Stupid Yusuke._**

"One...Yusuke.../Twitch/...NEVER call me that again. Two...Hiei, they must've known about your past before they were ever aquainted with you."

"That doesn't leave many options Kurama. Either you betrayed me or Koenma did."

_

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Author is bored. Author has no idea were to go from here. Author enjoys speaking in third person. Also, author graduated today...Wednesday/May/18/2005. C/O 2005! Yeah. It was great...so I'm posting this chapter because I'm in a pleasant mood. Review._


	17. One Step Closer

**_Chapter 17: One Step Closer _**

"That doesn't leave many options Kurama. Either you betrayed me or Koenma did." **_I assume that was rather cruel of me...Kurama put his head down visibly hurt._**

"Hiei, Kurama would never!...and why would Koenma?"

"Then how do you explain it detective?"

"Yeah Urameshi...I mean even we don't know much about Hiei." **_Stupid Oaf...since when did he adopt a brain._**

"Then we go see the toddler. Big deal. We're glad you're safe though Hiei." **_Stupid Yusuke...but he means well. _**"Kurama we'll come back tomorrow morning and go to Spirit World. We'll see if our "Boss" has some information he'd like to share." **_The detective said with the feeling of disrespect behind the word boss._**

"Sure Yusuke. I'll see you tomorrow morning then."

"Later Kurama."

"Goodbye Kuwabara."

_**With that they left...and for the first time in my life I felt that silence was uncomfortable. Kurama picked up the bowl and the glass and proceeded to the kitchen carrying a rag to clean up the floor. Then he went back and came in with more soup placing it on the table next to me. He still looked hurt...but he flashed a smile as he brought the food. Pathetic fool thinks he could trick me with a fake smile. **_

"Eat it before it gets cold Hiei. You need to regain your strength."

"Kurama?"

"Yes?"

"I didn't mean that. I'm so-"

"Don't...you had every right to question my loyalty. After all, I've never really had any loyalties."

"That still doesn't-"

"Hiei. I hope you know I would never betray you...but words are cheap and I haven't had a chance to let my actions speak for me. Don't worry about it. Eat and rest. We'll figure this all out tomorrow."

"Not hungry."

"HIEI!"

"Not eating this...not until you forgive me."

"Don't make me force feed you!"

"You could accept or let me starve...your choice."

"I was never mad at you!"

"Well then get mad because you had the right to!"

"FINE! I'm mad at you! Now apologize!"

"Hn...No."

"You little-" **_Pillow smacks him right in the face. When it falls though he's smiling and it isn't fake. _**"Thanks Hiei."

"Hn." **_He's not upset anymore._**

(Next morning)

The fool and the detective showed up at the ass crack of dawn. Kurama was up naturally. Stupid animal spirits and their addiction to sunlight. Mornings are not my thing. I absolutely hate them! So you can imagine my dismay. Once I get over the blinding sun and such...I have to go and have a talk with 'The Great Koenma'...Stupid toddler! Hn. I suppose it'll be worth it...I'll finally know who those damn bitches were.

**Yusuke: **Hey HIEI! ARE YOU GETTING UP OR WHAT! **_Ugh...my aching head! How can anyone be that loud so early in the morning._**

**Kuwabara: **Figures...we're here to help him and he's asleep. **_Stupid Oaf...I suppose there is no way I could get out of it.../Stumbles up/...damn humans._**

_

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It's dumb and pointless...this entire story is dumb and pointless...and SO OOC! Why the Hell didn't you guys tell me this! I wrote this because I thought it was cute. Review...whatever...I feel as grumpy as Hiei. Ok...one more thing...WHY THE HELL DID THEY CHANGE THIS WEBSITE SO MUCH! It was perfect before all of this meddling! _


	18. HieiUnder Arrest?

**_Chapter 18: Hiei...Under Arrest?_**

Hiei's POV

_**After hours of waiting for Botan to arrive and open the portal to Spirit World. Hours which I could've spent sleeping mind you...we were finally heading to see the damn toddler. Hn, what I wouldn't give to shove that pacifier up his...**_

"We're here!" **_Stupid cheery "Death"...you can't even finish a thought._**

Yusuke's POV

"Jeez Botan...could you give us a warning before knocking us from our thoughts and into a heart attack!"

"Sorry Yusuke, but I'm afraid that's all part of my charm."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'll go see if Koenma has time to see you."

"I suppose between the diaper change and the sleeping...he's got one hectic life."

_**I could clearly hear Botan's voice and Koenma's when he jumped out of his skin...I guess it reallyis part of her charm. Everyone looked dead tired. Kuwabara wasn't...he had six cups of coffee before we left. Hiei didn't sleep too well from what Kurama told me. Apparently neither did Kurama. After the fight they had over who gets the bed...Hiei didn't want to kick Kurama out of his bed and good old fox-boy had to be "hospitable" so he wanted Hiei to have the bed. Hiei won. Kurama slept in his own bed while Hiei took the couch...at 2 am! Stubborn ass demons. Hiei had nightmares which kept him up...and the screaming from the nightmares kept Kurama wide awake. I hope we can figure out who is responsible for this crap.**_

(Barely heard) "Fine Botan, send them in."

_**Botan comes out with a happy cheery...wait...forget what I said...the Grim Reaper actually looks...grim?**_

"Come on in guys."

"What's the matter Botan?"

"Umm...just come on in." **_Yeah, I definately don't like the looks of this. _**

Hiei's POV

_**The Baka Fairy Onna was upset. Hn, it didn't look like an "I broke a nail" upset either. What do I care? Koenma's office...boring, dull, and pointless. Who in the world thought of the colors for this place? Probably the blue oaf...hn. Koenma was in "Teen Form" sitting behind the table looking at us like he really is our "Boss", fool. He didn't look very happy either. **_

/Sigh/ "Have a seat everyone." _**Baka Reiki Prince.**_

_**A murmur of thank you's was heard as we sat down. Well, Yusuke actually marched up to Koenma's desk. Oh here we go.**_

"HOW COULD YOU BE SO CALM PACIFIER JUNKIE! YOU KNEW HIEI WAS MISSING...FOR THREE WEEKS! WHY WAS IT NOT A PRIORITY CASE TO LOOK FOR HIM HUH?"

"Why would it be a priority case to look for a common criminal?"

"Wha-?" **_Yusuke said ever so intelligently._**

"He's a member of the team, Koenma...why are you talking about him that way." **_I have sunk so low even the oaf is defending me? I wish I could be swallowed up whole right now. _**

"Kuwabara...calm down...Yusuke...let go of Koenma."**_ Kurama steps in barely awake and still smarter than both of them. Yusuke drops Koenma from his previous mid-air position and the "Prince" tries desperately to regain whatever dignity he has left. _**

"Koenma...you called Hiei a common criminal, as I recall both our records were cleared here in Spirit World. Please explain...and be swift...my patience grows thin." **_Yeah, he always speaks like that._**

"Yes, Kurama, it is true...both your records were cleared. Hiei's however has a new dot on it. About a month ago you guys were on vacation...is that correct?" **_A new dot? What the hell did I do?_**

"Yes."

"Well, during that time Mukuro's fortress was broken into and some very important files went missing...along with half of her trusted force. The person commiting those crimes was non other than Hiei himself." **_What? _**

"I DID NOTHING OF THE SORT!"

"Hiei, if I were you I would not be yelling. I will accept your visit as you turning yourself in...which should ease your sentence...but you are still under arrest by orders of your leader...Mukuro."

_**I felt Kurama's hand pull me back onto the couch...and my world spinning to no end...I was being accused of something I didn't do by someone I had been nothing but loyal to from the start. How could she believe I did that? She promised to be like the mother I never got to know...and she's ordering my arrest before even making sure I did it! **_

_

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Ooh...cliffhanger...sorry. _

Umm...Yay! I have my muse back! Let me explain one thing though...about Hiei's last statement in this chapter. I believe Hiei is in the same age group as the rest of the gang and disagree with anyone who says "He's hundreds of years older"...That being said...Mukuro's a few hundred years older than him...making the coupling impossible and gross. The owner of the show originally had Hiei paired up with her...and Kurama paired up with "Maya"...story goes that in Japan the Hiei/Kurama coupling grew so popular among fangirls that Yoshihiro Tagashi (_To please the audience...and NOT displease himself because he had no intention of making them a couple) left Hiei and Kurama's love life undiscussed. So...no matter how much you squirm...there will NEVER be a romantic pairing for either demon. That is all for today's news. Join us again at 6. lol. _

_Now...on to the next matter. To all my faithful reviewers who haven't given up on me. Thank you for the boost of confidence you gave me...I was really begining to think it SUCKED. I still kinda do but I can fix that._

**ShatteredSoul56- **_Please update YYH fics. Btw, our graduation shirts ACTUALLY said "You survived 2005"...it was weird with all the Hurricane names. Florida is weird._

**ForbiddenSoul562-** _Hope you enjoyed this._

**MewKagami- **_That's what an interest in psychology can do...thanks._

**Inuyashapup- **_Love your story...update soon_

**KyoHana- **_I won't abandon it don't worry_.

**Demonhiei'sgirl- **_Lol. Well, your fics are basically AU...the OOC is expected. I like your writting...but Yaoi fics disturb me. Many Visions is hilarious though._

**IwuvMyKenshiPoo-** _Thought you'd agree. Thanks for continuing to read this_.

**Hakia Akumu- **_/Blushes/ Thank you._

**Lovers Past Forgotten-** _Thanks._

**Bob's Active Agent- **_Will update sooner. Glad you like it._

**SadandLonely- **_Anything to keep you happy._

**Jessica- **_Will update sooner._

**Sunlit Rose- **_Spastic reviewing is awesome. Glad you like the fic._

**Youko Child Of The Moon- **_I will if you keep reviewing. /hint hint nudgenudge/ lol._

**Parrish- **_Sorry for the wait...my muse was on vacation_

**Killerangel666- **_If you read my other fic you'll laugh so hard because Kurama's thoughts are stupid._

**Tsume-Hiei Luver- **_Yeah. I think I should smack him with a pillow more often._

**The-Kaiba-Heir- **_Thank you_

**Hiei Obsessor- **_Will update sooner...hope the site doesn't change my mind/Grr/_

**Suma Goddess Of Darkness- **_Wish they'd return it to the way it was. I'll update sooner._

**Shadow- **_Glad you like my stories. Your reviews are somewhat eccentric. (Remembers your retarded vocabulary)...umm...here's a dictionary...look it up._

_Review! I need the motivation!_


	19. No Way In, No Way Out

_**Chapter 19: No Way In, No Way Out.**_

Kurama's POV.

_**Needless to say we couldn't sway the orders of Mukuro's fortress and Hiei's arrest was carried out. We were all working on finding evidence...but non of us found anything that could prove his innocence. Besides, Mukuro was already sure he did it and would not allow us to interfere. She sounded like she didn't want to do it but had no choice in the matter. Personally I suspect she wants to prove to her faithful followers that Hiei's just one of them and punished the same...that she feels nothing for him aside from the feelings of master to apprentice when in fact she has been treating him like a son all along.**_

_**It's been two weeks since Hiei's arrest and still no word from Mukuro or her followers. We're all starting to worry. Stealing valuables and killing the entire force guarding her fortress is no small crime. She could easily keep him in jail well into his late years...she could even forbid him from ever leaving her again...or worse...toss him in some forsaken place in Makai and leave him there forever. **_

"Hey Kurama?...hello?...fox-boy you listening!"

"Hmm?...Oh Yusuke...sorry I guess I spaced out, continue."

"Like I was saying...do you think the same gang who captured Hiei had something to do with the raid on Mukuro's castle."

"I wouldn't doubt it. Of course we have no evidence though. We can't even prove Hiei was kidnapped."

"Or demon-napped."

"Yes..."

"Koenma told me they found a tape proving it was Hiei who attacked."

"What?"

"Said the tape has Hiei breaking in, killing the guards using his sword, and then breaking into the vault and stealing some secret files. Mukuro said the files were extremely important but still won't tell us what was in them."

"Typical."

"Anyways, we're going to have a meeting at Grandma's today. Don't be late."

"Alright..." **_I pray we find something to help Hiei._**

Third Person POV (Normal)

"BUT THAT'S CRAP! WE ALL SAW HOW INJURED HE WAS COMING BACK FROM MAKAI. HE'S NOT STUPID ENOUGH TO DO IT TO HIMSELF! NOT TO MENTION HOW MESSED UP HE WAS! HE MUST'VE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH!"

"Well Kuwabara...I know you're right but how is ripping my eardrum going to help the issue."**_ Yusuke drolled in a non-amused defeated tone._**

_**They were all seated there in Genkai's living area...and I do mean ALL. Genkai, Koenma, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and the girls...Shizuru, Botan, Keiko and even Yukina were present. They had all come to the meeting in hope of finding one tiny loop hole to prove Hiei was innocent...and failing miserably.**_

"Koenma, can't we meet with Mukuro? Tell her our side of the story?" **_Kurama calmly stated even though he was feeling anything but calm. _**

"No we can't. I don't have that kind of power Kurama. I rule Spirit World...she has as much power as I do in Makai and even twice that much in her own fortress...I have no say in the matter."

"But if he's innocent...shouldn't she at least make sure?"**_ Yukina said sadly._**

"I think in demon world the rule is 'guilty until proven innocent'...cruel as that is there's no bending the rules." **_Said Shizuru lighting a cigarette._**

"This is wrong."

"Of course it's wrong! Why the hell would we be having this meeting if it was right Botan!"

"Yusuke...?"

"We're a F'''ing team and this bitch won't even give us a chance to BE at the stupid trail!" **_Yusuke proceeds to punch the wall...and knocks one side of the sliding doors over. _**

"Don't destroy my Temple because you feel worthless dimwit!" **_Genkai says punching Yusuke in the head like he did her wall._**

"Hn, pointless."

_**The entire group turns around simultaniously. Shocked and relieved at the same time. **_

"Hiei?"

_

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(A/N): Ok...so due to this new rule I can't answer individual reviews...anyways, this is one of the closing chapters...there's going to be a couple more and then the epilogue or three more and then the epilogue because...1.YES, that was a cliff-hanger and...2. There is still one MAJOR plot twist! Don't worry theywon't be as short as this chapter.Btw...if I don't get enough reviews I'm tanking this fic. So please review...my last two updates did not go very well and I am extremely discouraged. Thank you. Hope you liked this chapter. _


	20. A Web of Lies

_**Chapter 20: A Web Of Lies**_

Yukina's POV

_"Hiei!" **None of us could believe our eyes. Hiei was back...my brother was back. The person who we'd been so worried we'd never get to see again was back. The shock of it made us all say his name in unison...making him adopt a ridiculous expression.** _

_"Hn, you have got to start spending less time together...you're starting to sound like a chorus...granted not a very good one." _

_"Well the only reason we've been spending so much time together is worrying about your short ass!" **Yusuke said...obviously relieved.**_

_"Good to have you back Hiei." **Kurama said with the same relief evident in his voice.**_

_"Knew the mouse would find a loop hole to escape through." **Kazuma chimed in successfully irritating Hiei further. **_

_"Hn, don't count on it."_

_"What!" **We all said in unison yet again.**_

_"Like I said...time apart would do you all good."_

_"Hiei, what do you mean don't count on it?"_

_"I MEAN Fox that the only reason I'm here is for two days of peace and quiet before my sentence is carried out...and it includes never coming here again...so I must make sure all things are in order." _

_**Hiei then proceeds walking to my direction. He looks very weak. Dark circles around his eyes and even skinnier if that's at all possible. He pulls my stone out from around his neck and places it on mine. I...as well as everyone...am stunned too much to even speak a word and continue to stare at him with utter curiousity and shock on my face. After putting the necklace around my neck he pulls back and tucked a couple of strands of loose hair behind my ear and smiles. **_

_"You're just as beautiful as she was."_

_**I find my voice long enough to ask **"Who?"_

_"Mom."_

Kurama's POV

_**A smile was drawn across my face so big it could've ripped my mouth. He finally told her...but why? Did he say he wasn't allowed to come back here anymore? My worry expires seeing Yukina smile as he hands her his own necklace...but she gives it back saying **"Keep it, brother."** Kuwabara wasn't too thrilled with this revealation. He was stuttering and sputtering like an engine in need of an oil change...which only caused Hiei to smirk wider. Yusuke shouted an **"About time!" **and the girls were all happy for Yukina. Hiei stands there...or rather leans...he looks tired. I expected that though...Mukuro probably jailed him for the past two weeks, if she was nice enough NOT to throw him in a torture chamber...by the looks of it...she wasn't that nice. **_

_"So, you're not upset?"_

_"Why would I be?"_

_"If I were you...I'd be dissappointed by me."_

_"Hiei...I've known for a while now...I always wished you were my brother and later had a feeling that you were. I'm glad I was right." **She fixes him with a smile only she can manage.**_

_"Well, at least I did SOMETHING right. Hey Fool...pull yourself together and listen to me closely...in my absence...take care of Yukina and if you do anything wrong...Fox...I want you to kill him."_

_"Naturally." **Well, well, well, Hiei...accepting Kuwabara into your sacred circle...now I'm really interested in knowing what's going on. **_

_

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...and I bet so are you...CLIFFHANGER! Life is so cruel and so amI.Sorry. I decided I want to end this story at either 23 or 25 chapters to keep you in suspense until the very end...because, though you hate it...you'll enjoy it more this way. Ok...so alot of you were bitching at me for saying I'm taking it down and I'm sorry...I definately won't. It's just that no one reviewed my last two updates and as an author I got EXTREMELY discouraged...thank you for reassuring me that this didn't blow. I updated ona weekendknowing you people have school...so enjoy and review.:) Later._


	21. Midnight

Midnight...

Kurama's POV

_**It's been 6 months since the day we last saw Hiei. We celebrated, ate, drank and laughed that night away. All of us spent the night in Genkai's temple, though by the time the rest of us awakened, Hiei was gone. This was not a very pleasant thing for anyone, especially for Yukina, who has been a mess ever since. **_

_**Kuwabara, of course hasn't left her side, but the triangle can never replace the circle in a child's game, and Kuwabara can not replace Hiei in Yukina's heart.**_

_**From Yusuke's many visits to demon world, and in particular Mukuro's fortress, we have been able to figure out that Hiei has in fact gone to trial and been sentenced. However, whether he's alright, or even alive, is beyond us. Yusuke was not allowed to converse with him, or Mukuro. Hiei did say he wouldn't be able to come back to the human world, but he said nothing about us never being able to see him, or get information on him. **_

_**Not even "the great Koenma" can get a single letter on the matter. Apparently the "ex-spirit detective" card he once held has out-lived its usefulness.**_

_**All we are left with is a small inkling of hope that he may be alive. One thing's for sure though...insomnia sucks. **_

_"This is quite possibly one of the darkest nights of the year." _

**Ring...Rrrrriiiing...**

_"Hello?" _

_"Kurama! Hey, it's Yusuke."_

_"Yusuke it's midnight! Why are you calling me at such an hour?!"_

_"Shit! I'm so sorry! Stupid Yusuke! Did I wake you? Your family?" _

_"Thankfully no. I can't sleep, and they turn off the ringer before sleeping."_

_"Oh. Well, I'm calling because I just got back from Makai and Hiei is with me."_

_"...what?"_

_"Yeah, I thought it was pretty important news, so I guess I was a bit overenthusiastic and called. Sorry again."_

_"Yusuke wait!" __**I can almost hear him smirking...**_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Hiei is with you?" _

_Laughing "I knew that would grab your attention. Yeah, he'll be at my house for tonight. We'll come get you first thing in the morning and take him to the temple. It'd be unfair to keep him from Yukina any longer."_

_"Indeed. May I speak to him?"_

_"Uh...umm...well, you see..."_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing. I just think he's already asleep. Do you want me to wake him?"_

_"Oh, in that case it can wait till morning. I'll be waiting for you to come get me."_

_"You got it. Expect us at 10."_

_"Alright. Goodnight Yusuke."_

_"Night!"_

_Click_

_**I stare at the phone in disbelief. A thousand thoughts swim in my mind, all of which, I have no answer for. However this bit of news did in fact release some of my tension and I was able to drift to sleep easily. It would be illogical to think things through for 10 hours and receive no real answer, rather than passing those 10 hours sleeping and getting my answer when I am next conscious. In reality, equal time will have passed, but to me, it will be like an instant gratification, which makes me wonder, how reliable is the essence of time anyway?**_

Yusuke's POV

_**I hang up the phone and look at Hiei who is currently seated directly in my field of vision. He is on my desk and I am on my chair. Not moments ago he was furiously shaking his head "no" at Kurama's question if he can talk to him. He doesn't want anyone to know yet. I understand that. It just seems ridiculous that he'd like to keep it hidden for another 10 hours. What's 10 hours?! It's not like it's a significant time where things drastically change. I tap his arm and lead him to the futon I laid out for him. He uttered a low **__"Hn" __**as thanks while making his way under the blankets, exhausted, and falling asleep almost instantly. **_

_"This is going to be a long night."_

_**

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**_

**Author's Note: **_Yes, I realize I'm a terrible person to keep you waiting 2 years and then decide to write a chapter, and a short one at that, but I have more important things on my mind. This story would've ended very differently a couple of years ago because I had no direction to go. I think I may have come up with something more interesting this time. Review if you want me to continue. Hn._


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